Tekken

 

Unfortunately for this movie, it had one thing against it from the start, it was based on a video game.  It seems to me, and possibly also to many people who have seen GOOD anime, that anime movie based on video games usually suck the stank red ass.  In my opinion, that's just too bad.  There are so many cool things that could be done with these movies, but whoever makes them are just thinking about advertising for their video games and making a few extra dollarinos.  I don't see any change in this policy forthcoming since the relative lack of intelligence of the people who proclaim these games to be the "coolest" has been seen by the companies and convinced them that they can make shitty anime that will be greatly appreciated by this group of people because it contains their favorite character and the occasional random boob here and there.

          Tekken, although better than a little something called Fatal Fury, just isn't very good at all.  What we have is a story of revenge, a story of hope and the 25 or so video game characters involved.  Okay, Kazuya, who I'm assuming is the 'average' fighter in the game, got thrown off a cliff by his daddy when he was a kid, now he's back!  He's bad!  He's got a crappy voice actor!  He enters this tournament to kill his dad, blah blah, the other characters enter to do some other random crap like foiling evil plots and shit, blah blah

          Now that I've established the plot, time for the characters.  We got Kazuya who has a glowing scar across his chest from his little cliff injury.  For some reason, he also has some evil demon trying to take him over, I think it's supposed to be the revenge spirit or something, I guess they couldn't get Ghost Rider.  Then we have the heroine, Jun, who seems to not be able to shut her face about other peoples' souls and how scarred that guys spirit is and the cold heart of that tree over there. she's kind of annoying.  The rest of the characters suck just as much as these two, so I won't talk about 'em at all.

          On to the fighting.  Like most of these type of movies, they seem to lack any real fights.  Sure there's lots of ten second action sequences and super power punches, but come on!  All I'm asking is to have some cool kung fu action that comes in more than 15 second stretches every fifteen minutes.  Oh well, one thing that was good is that nobody has mystical, magical powers of doom. You know, they can't fart lightning and stuff.  I'd have to say that the coolest person in this movie is that assassin woman, she didn't fuck around with crazy rhino punches, she whipped out the guns and blew shit up.  She also was part of the best fight scene in the movie, when she blew up the hotel room.

          Hmm crappy characters, crappy action... we need something to pull us out of the crap hole, I know!  Crazy invisible dinosaurs!  Wait no, that's bad, why did they put in crazy invisible dinosaurs?  Damnit!  They could've had some super good biomechanical fighter bad guys or something that might actually be able to show us some cool shit, but no.  Then we get a fucking kangaroo with boxing gloves, damnit!

          Aside from the fact that nobody could generate fireballs by flexing for a few seconds and screaming, "MAGICAL FLOWER TWISTER FLASH!", they also did have the sound track that was added by the people who dubbed the movie going for them.  We got Corrosion of Conformity, Stabbing Westward, Offspring, Soulhat and The Urge.  Good stuff.  Those are also the reasons Tekken didn't get only one crazy old man.

 

Genre - action/fighting/crap

Animation - At times the animation looked pretty good, but overall it was below average.

Sub vs. Dub - only seen the dub

the Good - No crazy laser beams shooting out of everybody’s hands just because they know martial arts, the added music, that one assassin woman was pretty cool.

the Bad - crappy fighting, crappy characters, stupid story, not-so-good animation and fucking dinosaurs dude... dinosaurs!

Overall - Even though I don't recommend it for buying, I suppose you can rent it, I'll allow it.