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Unfortunately
for this movie, it had one thing against it from the start, it was based on a
video game. It seems to me, and possibly also to many people who have seen
GOOD anime, that anime movie based on video games usually suck the stank red
ass. In my opinion, that's just too bad. There are so many cool
things that could be done with these movies, but whoever makes them are just
thinking about advertising for their video games and making a few extra
dollarinos. I don't see any change in this policy forthcoming since the
relative lack of intelligence of the people who proclaim these games to be the
"coolest" has been seen by the companies and convinced them that they
can make shitty anime that will be greatly appreciated by this group of people
because it contains their favorite character and the occasional random boob here
and there.
Tekken,
although better than a little something called Fatal Fury, just isn't very good
at all. What we have is a story of revenge, a story of hope and the 25 or
so video game characters involved. Okay, Kazuya, who I'm assuming is the
'average' fighter in the game, got thrown off a cliff by his daddy when he was a
kid, now he's back! He's bad! He's got a crappy voice actor!
He enters this tournament to kill his dad, blah blah, the other characters enter
to do some other random crap like foiling evil plots and shit, blah blah
Now
that I've established the plot, time for the characters. We got Kazuya who
has a glowing scar across his chest from his little cliff injury. For some
reason, he also has some evil demon trying to take him over, I think it's
supposed to be the revenge spirit or something, I guess they couldn't get Ghost
Rider. Then we have the heroine, Jun, who seems to not be able to shut her
face about other peoples' souls and how scarred that guys spirit is and the cold
heart of that tree over there. she's kind of annoying. The rest of the
characters suck just as much as these two, so I won't talk about 'em at all.
On
to the fighting. Like most of these type of movies, they seem to lack any
real fights. Sure there's lots of ten second action sequences and super
power punches, but come on! All I'm asking is to have some cool kung fu
action that comes in more than 15 second stretches every fifteen minutes.
Oh well, one thing that was good is that nobody has mystical, magical powers of
doom. You know, they can't fart lightning and stuff. I'd have to say that
the coolest person in this movie is that assassin woman, she didn't fuck around
with crazy rhino punches, she whipped out the guns and blew shit up. She
also was part of the best fight scene in the movie, when she blew up the hotel
room.
Hmm
crappy characters, crappy action... we need something to pull us out of the crap
hole, I know! Crazy invisible dinosaurs! Wait no, that's bad, why
did they put in crazy invisible dinosaurs? Damnit! They could've had
some super good biomechanical fighter bad guys or something that might actually
be able to show us some cool shit, but no. Then we get a fucking kangaroo
with boxing gloves, damnit!
Aside
from the fact that nobody could generate fireballs by flexing for a few seconds
and screaming, "MAGICAL FLOWER TWISTER FLASH!", they also did have the
sound track that was added by the people who dubbed the movie going for them.
We got Corrosion of Conformity, Stabbing Westward, Offspring, Soulhat and The
Urge. Good stuff. Those are also the reasons Tekken didn't get only
one crazy old man.
Genre
- action/fighting/crap
Animation
- At times the animation looked pretty
good, but overall it was below average.
Sub
vs. Dub - only
seen the dub
the
Good - No crazy laser beams
shooting out of everybody’s hands just because they know martial arts, the
added music, that one assassin woman was pretty cool.
the
Bad - crappy fighting, crappy
characters, stupid story, not-so-good animation and fucking dinosaurs dude...
dinosaurs!
Overall
- Even though I don't recommend it for
buying, I suppose you can rent it, I'll allow it.
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